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“In fact, when you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“What happens if a big asteroid hits Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.”

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Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“The difference between men and women is that, if given the choice between saving the life of an infant or catching a fly ball, a woman will automatically choose to save the infant, without even considering if there's a man on base.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“It is a well-known fact that although the public is fine when taken individually, when it forms itself into large groups, it tends to act as though it has one partially consumed Pez tablet for a brain.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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