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“I don't plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet”

Rita Rudner quotes (American Writer and Comedian, b.1955 Miami, Florida, USA)

About: Funny quotes, Age quotes.

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“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.”

Ellen DeGeneres quotes (American Actress and stand-up Comedian, b.1958 New Orleans, Louisiana, USA)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.

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“I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

Will Shriner quotes (American Comedian, b.1953)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Death and dying quotes.

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“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

Frank Sinatra quotes (American Actor and Singer, 1915-1998)

Similar Quotes. About: Drinking quotes, Funny quotes.

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“When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.”

Emo Philips quotes

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes, Forgiveness quotes.

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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Hate quotes, Jobs quotes.

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“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”

Robin Williams quotes (American actor)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, God quotes, Comedy quotes.

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“When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.”

Woody Allen quotes (American Actor, Author, Screenwriter and Film Director, b.1935)

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.

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“Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'”

Charles M. Schulz quotes (American cartoonist, 1922-2000)
Character: Charlie Brown quotes. Book: Peanuts quotes

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Wisdom quotes, Funny quotes, Lies quotes, Questioning quotes.

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“Remember in elementary school you were told that in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file from smallest to tallest? What is the logic in that? What, do tall people burn slower?”

Warren Hutcherson quotes

Similar Quotes. About: Funny quotes.

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“I don't exaggerate - I just remember big”

Chi Chi Rodriguez quotes (Puerto Rican Golfer, b.1935)

Similar Quotes. About: Golf quotes, Funny quotes.

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