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“Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said "CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT."”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It's shaped a little differently, but it's a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot!”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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