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“I am a world-class weenie when it comes to letting people stick needles into me. My subconscious mind firmly believes that if God had wanted us to have direct access to our bloodstreams, He would have equipped our skin with small, clearly marked doors.”

santiz

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

About: Funny quotes.

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11-20 Quotations of 581

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“Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears - of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on lobsters in the dark, or speaking before a Rotary Club, and of the words "Some Assembly Required”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Time quotes, Technology quotes.

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“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”

Jack Handey quotes (American Comic Writer, Comedian and Actor on SNL. Famous for his Deep Thoughts, b.1949)

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“Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Programming today is a race between software engineers stirring to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.”

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“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Drew Carey quotes (American Comedian, b.1958)

Similar Quotes. About: Humor quotes, Funny quotes, Hate quotes, Jobs quotes.

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“Puns are little 'plays on words' that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead.”

Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)

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“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason”

Jerry Seinfeld quotes (American television Actor and Comedian, b.1954)

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